Once In a Lifetime
by Yonz
Summary: Jade West, now a 22-year-old college senior majoring in filmmaking and married to the girl of her dreams, gets the opportunity of a lifetime: To help write and produce an official remake of "The Scissoring" with her heroes, the two people responsible for the original. This story is a direct sequel to "Tuna Fish Tacos" so I recommend you read that first. RATED M CONTAINS FEMSLASH.
1. Chapter 1

**Wow, it's been a long time since I posted anything here. Well, welcome to my story. If you've read Tuna Fish Tacos (which I started almost three years ago, can you believe that?) this should be a nice follow-up. If you haven't, I seriously recommend you go and read that first, because there is a whole lot of context you'll miss out on if you don't.**

 **I hope you all enjoy. :)**

* * *

 **Once in a Lifetime**

 **By Yonz D. Pradlum**

"Jaaaade!" Tori West whined to her wife.

"No, Tori. Maybe later. I'm busy."

"Come oooon."

"No. I need to finish this project by Sunday night or I'm boned."

"You'll have all night tomorrow. I'm horny nooooow."

Jade West, a 22-year-old future filmmaker in her final year at UCLA, looked up at her wife.

"Tori, I love you, but you annoy the shit out of me sometimes. Why the hell did I marry you again?"

"Because I'm just so irresistibly sexy." To accentuate her point, the latina puffed her chest and butt out and did a sexy little dance to try and get the goth's attention.

"Nah, that can't be it." Said Jade with a smirk.

"You bitch!" the brunette exclaimed. She slapped her wife on the shoulder, though she was still smiling.

Jade quietly chuckled but said nothing.

"Come oooon." Tori whined again. "Just fuck me!"

While Jade was thrown for a second, as she found it quite sexy when her wife swore, she was ultimately not shaken.

"No, Tori. I have to get this done. We can fool around later."

"Jade, you and I both know that by the time you decide that you've done all you can tonight, it'll be four in the morning and I'll have been asleep for five hours."

"Look, Tori, I have to get this done. If I don't, I'll run the risk of failing this class, which I need to graduate, mind you, and I really don't want to have to go here for a whole extra semester when I could be out working on something that I actually care about."

"Tomorrow isn't even Sunday, it's Friday! You don't even have a lot to do tomorrow, class doesn't start until 10 and you're done by 12. You have all day tomorrow, all day Saturday, and almost all of Sunday to do it. Now shut up and fuck me!"

While Jade's defenses were being tested, Tori could not quite break through them. And though Jade insisted that she needed to get the project done, that wasn't the case. Jade was nothing if not the perfectionist when it came to her short films, as was this project. And she certainly didn't run the risk of failing if she didn't turn the project in on time, as she was at a 103% in that class and was the professor's very favorite student.

"I have to get it done, Tori, and it has to be done just right."

"Fine." Huffed Tori, who appeared to be storming off.

"Oh, hey, what's this?" Jade glanced over at Tori through her peripheral vision to see the latina bent over examining something. Tori was wearing a pair of very tight, very form-fitting yoga pants, which she had recently taken a liking to. Jade bit her lower lip and admired her wife's (in her opinion) fine, fine ass.

Tori smirked as she saw her wife's reaction in the sliding door that led out onto their balcony. They were in their very small one-bedroom apartment just off-campus and it was quite dark out.

As Tori stood back up and turned around holding the mystery object, Jade turned back to her project and pretended that she hadn't been checking out the latina.

"Well would you look at that," said Tori. "A dildo!" And indeed, in her hand, the half-Puerto Rican girl was holding an eight-inch pink cylindrical dildo that had clearly seen quite a bit of use.

"So it is."

"Maybe this will change your mind?"

"I've gotta work, Tori."

Tori, while annoyed at her wife's refusal to _ahem_ , do the nasty, was not deterred. She waltzed over to the other girl, who was sitting at the computer in their very small living room, and put her arms around the seated girl's neck.

"Come on Jade. If you don't wanna do it, I'm gonna have to spend some time with Mr. Pink _all alone_."

"Then go do it, I have to work. Also, don't call that thing Mr. Pink. It makes me think of Steve Buscemi, and that's the very last person I want to think about in regards to anything sexy."

"Don't be gross Jade." Tori leaned in close to Jade's ear and said in a sexy whisper, "Or maybe _do_."

Jade gave a short laugh, but didn't stop working.

"Jaaade…" Tori held the dildo up to her face and licked down the full length of the shaft. Jade thought this was undeniably sexy, and though she tried not to, she couldn't help but bite her lower lip again.

"You like that don't you?"

"I need to finish this."

Tori licked the goth girl's ear. "Come on, you know you want to."

Jade let out an involuntary moan.

"Ooh… am I exciting you?"

Jade hesitated for another moment. "Fuck it." She mumbled before pouncing on Tori and pinning her to the couch while making out.

Their tongues met. Even after five months of marriage and a nearly four year relationship before that, the sexual chemistry between the two girls was impeccable. The tongues wrestled for dominance, and Jade's won (it usually did, unless Tori really wanted to dominate Jade).

Their kiss deepened. Tori cupped one of Jade's excellent D-cup boobs with one hand and squeezed her ass with the other. The goth continued to pin her wife to the couch, intending to make an example of her when suddenly –

 _ **someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED.**_

Jade, whose eyes were closed, jolted upright, completely surprised by her ringtone.

Tori was confused. "Why is your ringtone Smash Mouth? And why is it so loud?"

"I don't have to explain myself to you." Replied Jade.

 _ **SHE WAS LOOKING KIND OF DUMB WITH HER FINGER AND HER THUMB IN THE SHAPE OF AN L ON HER FOREHEAD.**_

The goth girl looked at her phone's screen to see who was calling her. "It's Sinjin. Well, I guess I should answer it, since all of _that_ was completely ruined."

She answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Jade! How's my favorite sister-in-law?"

"I'm not your sister-in-law, I'm married to your sister-in-law."

"Whatever. Anyways, I was calling to let you know about a major opportunity I've got for you."

Jade was intrigued. "Go on…"

"So, you've been keeping up with Clancy and Amanda, yeah?"

"Yeah…"

"Well, they have an opportunity for you, but I asked if I could be the one to tell you."

Had Jade been sitting down, she would have been on the edge of her seat. Amanda Hartford and Clancy Donovan were two of her heroes, as they'd been the creative minds behind _The Scissoring_ , Jade's favorite movie. The previous August, Sinjin had introduced them to Jade at her and Tori's wedding. Since then, they'd kept in contact over Skype.

"So what is it?"

"Recently, Amanda and Clancy reached a deal with Warren Bros. to produce an official remake of _The Scissoring_. Right now, they're still working out the details of the contract, but it sounds like they're going to get complete or mostly complete creative control over the writing, and the studio is going to bring in a newer director that they recently hired. What they'd like to know from you is if you'd like to help them write the screenplay and then come on the project as a producer."

Jade's draw actually dropped. She couldn't believe it! She'd never been involved with a movie that wasn't a school project or a personal one, and she had certainly never been involved with a studio as big and prestigious as Warren Bros. Plus, she was going to get to work with her heroes on a remake of her favorite movie. It was a dream come true.

"…Jade? You there?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah. Go ahead and tell them that I'm in."

"Oh, I just wanted to let you know in the first place cause I figured the reaction would be pretty funny. You can just call one of them yourself and let them know."

"Yeah, okay. I'll do that."

"Cool. See you later."

"Yeah. Thanks, Sinjin."

Jade hung up the phone. Tori, who had been mindlessly playing with the dildo still in her hand looked up. "What was that about?"

"I, uh, I'm gonna get to work on the official remake of _The Scissoring_ with Amanda Hartford and Clancy Donovan."

"Wait, really?"

"Y-yeah." Jade was shaking with excitement now that she'd been able to mentally process what had just transpired.

"Oh my god, Jade, that's amazing!" Tori beamed.

The goth girl smiled back at her wife. "Yeah. I need to get on top of this as soon as possible. I'm gonna call one of them right now." She made her way into their bedroom to make the call.

Tori stared dejectedly down at the dildo (which she had decided she really was going to call "Mr. Pink").

"All right ramblers, let's get rambling."

* * *

 **What did you guys think? Let me know in a review! Besides that, make sure to follow and favorite if you liked it. I'm looking forward to getting back into writing and I hope this story is better than it's predecessor.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	2. Chapter 2

**And we're back! When the urge to write strikes, this is what you get. Enjoy!**

* * *

Jade couldn't concentrate.

No matter what she did, she couldn't concentrate on the class because her mind was still trying to process what had happened last night.

After getting off the phone with Sinjin, she called Clancy Donovan to find out more about her new opportunity.

The conversation had gone well.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Clancy. It's Jade."

"Ah, Jade, just the person I wanted to talk to at 9:30 on a Thursday night!"

"Heh. So, I just got off the phone with Sinjin. I guess you have an opportunity for me?"

"Yes we do. The contract is still in the works. Can you believe we're going to get a second chance to make the movie?"

"Yeah, I'm super excited. I can't believe you're offering me a part in it though."

"Well, of course. I've always wanted to play mentor to an aspiring filmmaker, and besides, you may literally be the biggest fan of _The Scissoring_ in the world."

"I still can't believe it."

"Well you'd better. We're still finishing up the script right now."

"You're not just going to use the old one?"

"Of course not. Amanda and I wrote the original 37 years ago. I was 24. I definitely think I could do it better this time around. _We_ can do it better this time around, because we want your input, Jade."

"I'm honored, but why? I don't have any major accomplishments as of right now. Just a few plays and some short films."

"When I was your age, I had even less. My greatest ambition was to make a famous movie. Well, I did, kind of."

"Kind of?" Jade was skeptical. She knew what kind of a cult classic her favorite movie was.

"Well, when it came out, it was a flop. It gained a little momentum over the years, like when it got played on late-night TV. But it never made me any real money."

"But it's huge now."

"Well, yes, and believe me, there's nothing cooler than watching your movie become a cult classic. I think the internet helped a lot in that regard. Anyways, my point is, we want you to help write the movie. And then we want you to produce it with us."

"Th-thank you. Really. You have no idea what this means to me."

"I think I do. Well, Amanda probably has a better idea than me."

"Why?"

"You know her hero was John Carpenter. Imagine if she'd been asked to work on _Halloween H20_."

"She wasn't though."

"I know that. But if she had been."

"Yeah."

"Well, anyways, Jade, we'll talk more this weekend. Once we get the script hammered out we'll be able to start taking casting real seriously. Right now Amanda and I have a very interesting choice in mind for the role of Tawny. You'll be super excited if it pans out."

"What, are you going to bring Natalia Zayn back from the dead?"

"Eh, close enough."

"Okay," Jade laughed, "Now I really _am_ interested."

Clancy laughed. "Alright, Jade, we'll talk later. See you later."

"Bye."

That was 12 hours ago. Jade, obsessive as she was, had spent the next few hours after her call watching _The Scissoring_ for the 187th time and making a chart of what she liked and disliked about the movie. For instance, it Jade liked that the pretty girl, Kimberly, died first. However, they almost made her _too_ airheaded. If they made the character just a little more serious, her death would have a little more impact and be a bit disturbing. Jade had around 18 pages of notes like this.

Jade tuned back into the lesson. Unfortunately, it was over.

"Alright class, that's enough for this week. See you Monday." The teacher said as students filed out of the lecture hall. He bared a striking resemblance to Jade's former Acting teacher, Sikowitz, though a bit older, maybe 70, and a pair of half-moon glasses on his face. That's because he was Sikowitz.

Not _the_ Sikowitz, as in Jade's former teacher. No, this man was named _Frank_ Sikowitz. Jade remembered getting her semester schedule and nearly doing a spit-take when she read the name _Sikowitz_ next to _History of Film_. As it turned out, his uncle was quite the thespian himself, though with a little bit less of the psychoses of his nephew.

"Jade, stay back a minute, wouldn't you?"

Jade looked up at the professor. She gathered her things and approached his desk. "Sir?"

"Oh please, you know I don't like formalities. Surely you had plenty of time to get used to a lack of formality during all that time you spent in my, ah, dear nephew's classroom."

Jade smirked. Despite Sikowitz having been her favorite teacher, the distaste in her professor's voice amused her. "Sure, Frank. What do you need?"

"I noticed you weren't paying attention."

"Yes I was."

"Really. What was today's lesson on?"

"It was on…" Jade struggled for a moment to recall what the lesson had been on before she realized that she really had spent the entire class period focused on other things.

"Exactly."

"How could you even tell?"

Frank smiled. "Your eyes were glazed over and you hardly looked up from your notebook. That's not like you. Don't think I haven't noticed your 98% in the class."

Jade looked sheepish. "Well, honestly, I'm kinda distracted right now."

"Why is that?"

"Have you ever seen the movie _The Scissoring_?"

Frank thought for a moment. "Low budget slasher film from the early eighties? About a girl who kills people with scissors? Shot here in Los Angeles?"

"Yeah, that's the one. You see, the two people who made that movie are my heroes. When I got married last August, a former classmate of mine, who also happens to be married to my wife's sister, introduced me to them."

"Oh, that must have been exciting for you."

"You have no idea."

"I think I do. I met Alfred Hitchcock in 1977, near the end of his life. He gave me a few tips on building suspense."

"Wow, that's amazing." Jade had always wished she'd had an opportunity to meet Alfred Hitchcock. "Anyways, my story gets more interesting than that. Much more interesting."

Frank raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

"Yesterday I found out that they're remaking the movie. And it's got major studio backing."

"Who's that?"

"Warren Bros., I think."

"Ooh."

"Yeah, but that's not all. They want me to help write and produce it."

Frank looked at her over his glasses. "Impressive. You're how old? 22? And working on a major motion picture. Congratulations."

"Thanks. I'm just completely overwhelmed with emotion right now. It's hard to focus."

"Well, Jade, would you like my advice?"

"Sure."

"I think you need to keep your schoolwork and your movie work separate. Try to focus on one at a time. If you're doing as well in your other classes as you are in here, then I think you can afford to let your schoolwork suffer a little bit, but not too much. But it's going to cost you a lot of time and energy to work on that movie. You need to keep that in mind."

"That makes sense."

"I know it does. I've worked on movies before, too." He smiled as he said it.

"Thanks, Frank."

"You're welcome. Now get out of here, I have another class to teach."

"Alright. See you Monday."

Frank nodded and smiled. Jade left, feeling a little clearer-headed about the movie in her near future.

* * *

 **And there you go! If I was one to title my chapters, I'd call this one, "Jade has conversations about movies with older men".  
**

 **Anyways, be sure to follow, favorite, and most importantly, review! Feedback is great, it helps me write the story better.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	3. Chapter 3

**Holy shit, I'm back. Here's the next chapter in the saga for you. Hopefully it's everything you dreamed of and more. Okay, probably not. Anyways, enjoy!**

* * *

Jade always hated February in Los Angeles. Even though it never got particularly cold and snow hadn't been seen since before she was born, Jade didn't like looking outside and noticing just how dreary it was. Indeed, today, as she sat in a booth across from her father at a little hole-in-the-wall diner drinking the worst coffee she'd ever tasted, it was just one of those days.

Jade took a sip of coffee. _Eugh._ She thought. _This coffee is weak shit. Hopefully the pancakes are good._

Her father, Todd, looked up from the lull in the conversation. "So anyways, that's what's new with me. How's the script coming?"

Jade smiled. "It's going great! We're almost done, and the studio's done a lot of the preproduction already. We're going to start casting in a couple of weeks here."

"Really? That was fast."

"It's not like we're reinventing the wheel. The script is mostly just an updated version of the original, and two of the three people working on it wrote the first one."

"And you're a walking encyclopedia on the subject."

Jade gave her father a knowing smile. "You got me there."

Todd looked out the window. "The weather this month has been depressing, hasn't it?"

Jade nodded in agreement. "Totally. It's the worst." She paused as the sun peaked it's head out from underneath a blanket of clouds. "There's the sun anyways."

Todd started to sing softly. "Here comes the sun, do-do-do-do."

"Here comes the sun, and I say," Jade continued.

"It's alright." The pair concluded, laughing.

"I love that song." Mused Jade.

"One of my favorites."

At that point the waitress walked over to the table, carrying a large platter with two plates on it. "Alright, scrambled eggs, sausage links, hash browns, and toast." Todd raised his hand and his breakfast was placed in front of him. "And eggs over easy, bacon, tater tots, and pancakes." This plate was placed in front of Jade. "Anything else I can get for you?"

"Could I get a refill on coffee?" Todd asked.

"Sure thing. Any for you, hon?"

"No thanks." Replied Jade.

The waitress went on her way to get more coffee, and Todd raised his eyebrows at his daughter. "No more coffee for the caffeine connoisseur?"

"This coffee is trash, dad. I could use my sweaty gym socks as a filter and it would come out tasting better than this."

The older man just laughed. "Whatever you say, Jade."

The waitress returned and refilled Todd's cup.

"So how's school now that all of your generals are done?"

"It's great. All my classes are about things I actually _want_ to learn about. I never have to pretend to care about another work of William Shakespeare ever again."

"Unless you adapt it into a movie," the dark-haired man joked, "But yeah, I hated English classes too when I was in college."

"Right? _Romeo and Juliet_ is just a play about assholes!"

Todd broke down laughing for a minute before Jade continued.

"I love the classes I'm in now. And you'll never guess who one of my teachers is."

"Is it that bald teacher with an aversion to shoes you had?"

Jade chuckled. "Close. It's his uncle, Frank Sikowitz."

"Is he anything like his nephew?"

"No, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like Sikowitz – er, Erwin Sikowitz, I mean."

"That's funny. But I'm glad you like his class."

"Yeah, I'm at a 98 in his class. Not that it's particularly difficult. Which is good, because so much of my free time is taken up by the movie now."

"How has that been going?"

Jade looked puzzled. "How has what been going?"

"Tori. Your relationship with Tori. Your marriage, I guess." Todd clarified.

"Oh. Well, I wish I had more time to spend with her."

"How much time do you spend with her now?"

"I try to spend at least a little time with her a couple nights a week, but I think she's starting to get annoyed with how little attention I'm able to pay her."

"How much do you spend working on movie or school stuff when you're with her?"

Jade looked down a bit. "A lot of it."

"That's your problem, Jade. When you're with Tori, you need to be with Tori. Otherwise, your marriage will suffer for it. I should know."

"I mean, your marriage failed for other reasons." Jade mumbled.

Todd fixed a piercing stare on his daughter. "Jade, look at me." The goth girl looked up at her father. "It's true that I divorced your mother and stupidly estranged myself from you because she cheated on me, but that's not what killed our marriage. The truth is, our marriage had been over for years. We'd probably have divorced sometime around 2000 if you hadn't been around by then. We didn't love each other anymore, and both of us knew it."

"You shouldn't have stayed together for my sake. I'd have dealt with it. Shit, I _did_ deal with it, eventually."

"Your mother and I didn't think that would be fair to you for us to divorce and rob you of a two-parent upbringing. Of course, hindsight being 20/20, I know now how stupid that is. All that came of it was an angry end to a bitter marriage that had gone on far longer than it should have. But do you know why we fell out of love, Jade?"

"Why?"

"Because for years, we threw ourselves into our careers headfirst. Your mother got that corporate lawyer gig, and I started my accounting firm. We threw ourselves into that and never made time for each other. Sure, our wallets grew, but at what cost? All that did was fuck up a perfectly fine marriage and hurt you in the process. Though that much, I place purely on myself."

"Dad, no, that wasn't just you. Mom was always kind of distant."

"Maybe so, but I'm the idiot who decided to estrange himself from the daughter who adored him because he was pissed off at his ex-wife."

Jade held back a tear.

"Jade, you know I love you. You're my daughter, and dare I say my greatest accomplishment, even if for a lot of your most formative years I was too far away to provide as much help and comfort as I should have. So I just want to warn you before you make the same mistake I did. Pay attention to Tori when you can. If you don't have enough time, make some time. Otherwise you could wind up like I did."

Jade sighed. "Yeah, I understand what you mean. But you've been married again for a long time now."

"That's also true. I married Nancy nine years ago. But I learned from my first mistake. I made time for her."

"I think I understand, but it's not going to be easy. I hope Tori understands."

"I think she will. She seems like a pretty level-headed girl."

Jade smiled. "Thanks dad."

 _ **someBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD IS GONNA ROLL ME, I AIN'T THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHE-ED.**_

Jade looked at her phone and saw the alarm.

"Damn, it's 12:30 already. I have to go, I need to get to a writing session."

"Well, Alright, Jade." Said Todd, standing up and throwing some money down on the table. "Just remember what I said. Make time for Tori. Even something as simple as crawling into bed with her at the same time as she normally goes to bed can make all of the difference in the world to her."

The goth girl smiled and hugged her father. "See you later."

"See you, Jade."

With that, the two of them parted ways. Jade, while reassured by her father's advice, was still worried about how much time she would realistically be able to give to Tori. But that was for the future. That would remain to be seen.

* * *

 **And that was part 3 of my story "Jade has conversations with the men in her life". Hah. In all honesty, though, I'm going to try to break up this pattern before it gets out of hand. I think the next chapter is going to timeskip to the beginning of casting, so that way I'll be able to break this streak of men lecturing Jade.**

 **As always, please remember to follow, favorite, and review. Feedback is the greatest form of patronage, and I love seeing what you all have say about my work.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm going to try to commit to releasing these chapters on a more regular basis because I really missed writing. Enjoy!**

* * *

February and March flew by in a blur as Jade, Clancy, and Amanda put the finishing touches on the new script and prepared to begin casting. As it turned out, making a movie is quite a daunting task, and it showed. In fact, Jade spent so much time on the movie that her grade point average dropped to a 3.8.

In other words: Jade was constantly busy. But now, finally, with the script complete at last, they could move on to casting.

Jade recalled the plays she wrote and directed in High School. Those were the days, when she could write a whole script in a couple of afternoons and put it together in less than a month. But those days were long gone. And the stakes were much higher now. She mulled this over as she drank from the excessively large cup of coffee in her hand.

It was April now, and the first day of casting was upon them. This was the day Jade had been awaiting with a mixture of anticipation and dread. If today was a success, the movie had a serious chance of making it. If not, things would almost certainly go very, very bad.

"How are you feeling, Jade?" Amanda asked as the goth girl took a seat next to her idol at the table in their rented audition space.

"I, uh, I don't know. Nervous? But like, not overly nervous?"

Amanda laughed. "Trust me, you'll be fine. Plus, we're here. If you're not sure, you can always look to us for help." She flashed Jade a smile and the scar that adorned the right side of her cheek briefly became more pronounced. Nevertheless, Jade was reassured.

"Are we ready?" Clancy asked, stepping into the room.

"I think so." Replied Jade.

"Alright, next!" he yelled before adding in a softer voice, "Just wait till you see who we've got, Jade."

Jade set her coffee down on the table, which was fortunate, as she fell out of her seat a moment later when the reanimated corpse of Tawny Walkerblack walked in.

Clancy, Amanda, and the undead girl looked at her with concern. Jade, embarrassed, sat back in her chair.

Clancy raised his eyebrows. "Surprised, Jade?"

"It's like I'm looking at Natalia Zayn, but someone brought her back to life."

The two older filmmakers chucked. The bespectacled man addressed the unnamed girl. "Sofia, this is Jade West, like I told you about. Why don't you introduce yourself?"

The girl (apparently named Sofia) spoke softly but audibly. "I look like Natalia Zayn because she was my aunt. My name is Sofia Zayn."

Jade's jaw momentarily dropped. "Wow." She turned to Clancy, "You weren't kidding." She turned back to Sofia. "But how old are you? You couldn't be older than 18 or 19, and Natalia would be 57 if she were alive today."

"When my aunt died in 1983, my mother was ten years old and still lived in Romania." Sofia replied. "She left in 1990. She met my father in 2000 and I was born in 2001. That's how I'm so much younger than my aunt."

Jade was satisfied with that answer. She turned to her colleagues. "Well physically she fits the role perfectly."

"I suppose all that's left is to see if she can act, huh?" said Amanda.

"Yup. Alright Sofia, let's do the scene where Tawny argues with Kimberly over whether or not going into the house is a good idea. That's page 37. I'll play Kimberly."

Sofia turned her script to the appropriate page. "Okay, I'm ready."

"Start when you like."

The younger girl cleared her throat. "There is absolutely _no way_ I'm going to go into that house!"

"Oh come on, Tawny, what's like, the worst that could happen?"

"An axe murderer is hiding in there and decides that the teenagers hanging out in his house have to go?"

"Seriously? Look at this place, it's all boarded up. Nobody lives here."

"As far as _you_ know."

"Just go inside, Tawny. Allie and Sherri and Mark and Kevin already did."

"Well good for them. If they're lucky the axe murderer will be quick."

"What's the worst that could happen Tawny? I'm going in. If you want to go home, fine."

"Ugh, you are unbelievable!"

"Alright." Said Jade. How about the first kill? Page 54. Start whenever you're ready."

The eastern European girl began. "How about that, Kimberly?"

"Tawny… why?"

"What's the worst that could happen? What's the worst that could happen, huh? There's nothing here, right? RIGHT?"

Jade turned to the other two people at the table. "Is there anything else either of you think we need to see?"

Both of them shook their heads.

"Alright, we've got your information, Sofia. We'll be in touch."

Sofia smiled and said, "Thank you." and left.

"Good work, Jade." Amanda beamed.

Jade grinned. "Thanks. I was kind of worried I was gonna blow it."

"That was fine." Affirmed Clancy. Just try to do that with every one of the auditions. We've got fifty more."

Jade nearly did a spit-take, as she was sipping her coffee. "Fifty more!?"

/

The auditions went by slowly, but fruitfully. It looked as though only a few more days of casting would be necessary. By the end only a few key roles were unfilled. It was nearing four o'clock, which meant that they were down to the last few auditionees.

And that was when Keith David walked in.

The three filmmakers were surprised, as they hadn't expected anyone particularly notable to make an appearance. Jade and Clancy looked surprised, but Amanda looked both shocked and absolutely thrilled, likely due to her love of all things related to John Carpenter.

The room held a slightly awkward silence for a few moments before Jade broke it. "Well, uh, hello, Mr. David."

"Please, call me Keith."

Clancy decided to speak up. "Well, obviously we know who you are. You could have called us. We'd have given you a special audition."

"It's no problem. Besides, I'm a fan of the original."

Jade glanced over at Amanda. It was quite a humorous sight, this sixty-some-year-old woman looking like a teenage girl.

"Alright, anyways," said Jade, "What role are you auditioning for?"

"Coach Barnaby."

"Ah, naturally. Okay, how about the scene where he warns the kids not to go into the house? That's on page 21."

Keith found the page and began. "You kids stay away from that damned house. Bad things happened there a long time ago and it's not somewhere you want to be."

"Oh yeah? What do you know?"

"Me? I know more than you think. I may just be a high school football coach, but I've made it this far haven't I?"

"So what if you've made it this far? It's not like the house is _really_ haunted."

"*sigh* You kids stay away from there if you know what's good for you."

The audition continued, and after it finished, Keith stuck around and chatted with the three of them for a few minutes. After he left, Jade, Clancy, and Amanda discussed his audition.

"Oh my god, that was amazing!" gushed Amanda, channeling her inner teenage girl.

"It was pretty good," Clancy admitted. "Originally Coach Barnaby was about ten years younger and white, but neither of those are really crucial to the character."

"Well," said Jade, "We looked at a lot of candidates but, y'know, when Keith David says he wants to be on your team, you don't say no."

The three of them laughed. Clancy looked at his phone. "Oh, Jade, the director's here. You should meet him."

"Oh yeah, I kind of want to know who's going to be bringing our work to life."

The trio got up and walked into the other room. Awaiting them was a pudgy, balding, mustachioed man in his late forties.

"Is this him?" asked Jade.

"No, this is Jim. He's the executive in charge of the project. His son's directing. Jim, this is Jade West."

He held out his hand and the two shook hands. "Jade, good to finally meet you. I'm Jim Squires."

Jade hesitated for a moment. "Jim _Squires_? So that means—"

"Hey, sorry I'm late." A young man walked into the room. And that man was none other than Dale Squires.

"Whoa." He said. "I remember you. Jade, right?"

"Yeah. I remember you too. You were supposed to direct our student film, but my wife had to step up and get that all finished because you were too busy texting and watching YouTube videos to actually do any directing."

"Your wife?"

"Tori Vega."

"Oh. Oh yeah. Look, I'm sorry. I was young and stupid. I messed up, and I did give all of you credit on _Up Late with Mack Murphy_."

"You did do that." Jade admitted.

"Really, I'm sorry. I've learned a lot about directing. And I think my academy award speaks for itself."

"Is there going to be an issue?" asked Jim.

"No," Jade said. "I think we can make this work." She decided that, apprehensive as she was to work with Dale Squires, he was still a serious director with some decent credentials behind him. And their high school film was five years ago.

"Alright then." Said Jim. "Come on, Dale, we need to get to that meeting soon."

"Well, I look forward to working with you, Jade." Said Dale.

"Yeah," replied Jade. "Me too."

* * *

 **I'm not really sure if I'm happy with how this chapter turned out. I wrote it on my laptop at Perkins between about 2 and 5 AM, and I think I may have just sort of phoned it in towards the end there. I dunno.  
**

 **As for including real life actor Keith David, I know that's not totally kosher according to guidelines, but so are sexually explicit scenes (technically require an MA rating, which fanfiction doesn't support) and I've written some very vivid sex scenes (speaking of which, one will be coming up in... a few chapters, probably?). But I digress. I feel like the man himself wouldn't be too upset with my inclusion of him, because he's just that freaking cool.**

 **So tell me what you thought, cause I don't know how to feel about this one. Remember to follow, favorite, and most importantly and most helpfully, review!**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	5. Chapter 5

**And we're back. And not only are we back, we're back with - wouldn't you know it - a real, true, bonafide smut chapter. Enjoy ladies and gentlemen, I put a lot of effort into this one.**

* * *

During the shooting of _Clerks_ , Kevin Smith would routinely sleep just one hour a night, as filming was done overnight while he worked in that same RST Video during the day. Jade recalled that little piece of information as she dragged herself into her apartment, completely and utterly exhausted.

If _this_ was how she felt after just three days of filming, how the hell was she going to be able to make it a whole month? Between the movie and school, it was just too much for one person to do.

The goth girl limped into the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. She lay still for a second and sat up after a few moments. She shuffled over to the curtains and closed them. Then she sat down on the bed, pulled her boots and socks off, and promptly passed out.

/

Jade woke up when she felt something heavy weighing on her pelvis. She paused for a moment and opened her eyes.

"Hi!" said a smiling Tori, who was evidently sitting on Jade with her face almost nose-to-nose with her wife.

Jade gave the other girl a kiss. "Hey Tori. How are you?"

"Good. I was helping André write a song for his new album."

"Oh yeah? How's that going?"

"Great! He's finally getting to move from being a songwriter to being a real musician."

"That's awesome." Jade said tiredly.

The latina's smile fell and she appeared to have stumbled upon an unpleasant thought. "Jade, do you think I'm ever going to be able to be a real musician?"

"Yeah, of course, Tor." The raven-haired girl held her wife close and kissed her again. "You'll be a huge pop singer and I'll be a huge movie director."

"At least you've got a movie deal."

The two kissed again for a few moments. "So," said the latina, kissing the other girl's neck, "Do you wanna fool around?"

Jade sighed. "I'd love to, Tori, but I'm so exhausted you can't even imagine."

The latina pouted. "You're always tired. Ever since you started working on that movie."

"Look, I'm sorry. I had class for four hours today and then twelve hours of shooting to do. I only got a couple hours of sleep last night. I'm just too tired."

Tori got off of her wife. "Hmph. You're never not tired. At this rate we aren't going to have sex again until 20-freaking-20. "

"I'm sorry."

The brown haired girl got off the bed and huffed. "I'm taking a shower."

Jade closed her eyes in an effort to go back to sleep, but couldn't. Between her guilt at not making enough time for her wife (The exact thing her father had warned her about) and the growing wet spot between her legs, the goth girl quickly realized that sleep wasn't going to be an option for the time being.

She let out a long sing. _Damn my hot wife_. She thought. Standing up, she considered her options.

On one hand, she could go back to sleep, though that would result in Tori staying mad at her. On the other, she really _was_ tired, but a good orgasm or three would knock her right out, and appease her wife.

She heard the shower turn on, and her choice was made.

The goth girl quickly undressed, leaving her clothes in a rumpled up pile on the floor. She walked across the hall and put her ear to the door to determine whether the latina had gotten into the shower yet. She heard the stall door shut, and made her move.

Fortunately for Jade, the shower was either loud enough to drown out the creak of the door or the latina was too preoccupied with her annoyance to hear it. She crept over to the shower stall and peered in through the stained glass. Even more fortunate for the goth girl, Tori's back was turned.

 _Perfect._ Jade thought.

She pulled the door open, somehow managed to slip in unnoticed, and shut the door. Throwing her arms around the latina, she whispered into the girl's ear, "Hi."

Tori let out a small involuntary shriek but didn't lose her balance because the goth girl was supporting her. "Jade!"

"I've reconsidered your offer."

"I'm still angry at you!"

"Are you sure about that?" the goth girl said in a seductive voice, dropping her hand to cup the latina's left boob while the other ventured further south to explore the girl's evidently wet folds.

"D-Dammit Jade, you said you were too tired."

"I was, and I still am. But you got so annoyed that I figured I should make it up to you. So," she said, sticking two fingers into Tori, "consider this my apology."

The brown-eyed girl let out a soft moan. "You bitch."

Jade spun her wife around to look her in the eyes. "Excuse me?"

"You fucking bitch."

The two women pushed their faces together and shared what was, even by the standards set by their five-year relationship, a pretty excellent kiss. Their tongues battled for dominance, and Tori won, probably as a function of her annoyance at her wife.

They broke apart. " _Some_ body's in a mood."

"You could say that." Tori said, slapping Jade's ass.

They kissed again and allowed their hands to explore the other girl. Tori's hands made their way to Jade's fantastic D cup boobs and she began to pinch her nipples. It was Jade's turn to let out a moan as the latina's talented hands worked their magic on her sensitive nipples.

Meanwhile, Jade was focused on her wife's wet pussy. She pumped her fingers in and out of the tanned girl, making sure to rub her clit in circles with her thumb. She bit into Tori's neck, causing her to buck forward onto the pale girl's fingers. Tori threw her head back in a much louder moan. Jade idly wondered if their neighbors could hear them. The thought of it turned her on just a little more.

Finally Tori moaned out, "Eat me out you fucking bitch!"

Jade, not having to be told twice, sank to her knees, looked up at her wife with her blue-green eyes, and smiled. "With pleasure."

Despite the goth girl's status as reigning monarch of the Kingdom of Cunnilingus, which she'd held since the very early days of their relationship, Tori was still caught off-guard by her wife's skills.

Jade teased the tanned girl's clit with the tip of her tongue causing Tori to gasp and let out a muffled, "fUCk!".

The raven-haired girl grinned. "Seriously? I barely even touched you."

Tori's retort was quick and nonverbal: She grabbed the back of Jade's head and forcing the goth girl into her crotch. Jade responded by swirling her tongue around the brunette's clit in a spiral motion.

"Oh fuck YES!" Tori screamed out, not letting go of her wife's head.

Jade continued to work her magic. She reinserted the two fingers she'd had in there before and pumped in and out with her fingers cupped, heightening the orgasm that was slowly building for the latina. Meanwhile, she moved her tongue in every way she could imagine, never giving Tori a chance to find a pattern, thus keeping the latina on edge. Up and down, left and right, it didn't stop for several minutes, culminating in a loud, prolonged—

"Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahh!"

Caught halfway between a scream and a moan, Tori climaxed in a violent and satisfying manner.

Jade removed herself from her wife's tanned thighs, her mouth sticky with the remnants of Tori's orgasm. She licked her lips and moved to kiss the girl.

"So do you forgive me now?"

Tori gave Jade a look that was somewhere between annoyed and lustful. "We are _so_ not done yet."

The goth girl simply responded with an impish grin and said, "Fine by me."

The two girls stepped out of the shower and very quickly began to towel off. Neither one cared about being a little wet, but it would still be rather annoying if the sheets got soaked.

As they finished drying off, Tori began to wrap her hair in a towel. Now it was Jade's turn to be annoyed.

"Just leave it a little damp. It's not like you're doing anything." She paused for a second. "Well, except me."

"But it's wet!"

"It's _hair_ , Tori. It can air dry."

"Ugh, fine."

With that, they made their way into the bedroom.

"So what do you have in mind?" asked Jade.

"Shut the fuck up." Tori said in an uncharacteristically aggressive voice. She placed her palm on Jade's porcelain back and bent the girl over the foot of their bed.

Jade smiled internally. While she was normally the sexually dominant one in their relationship, she always enjoyed it when Tori shook things up a bit and took charge.

Tori went to the closet and opened up a little box containing all of their sex toys. She selected a large strap-on and the dildo she'd affectionately named "Mr. Pink".

The goth girl felt her sphincter tighten as the dildo was inserted into her. While she wasn't a stranger to anal stimulation, it always felt a little strange to her (not that she minded).

After inserting the dildo, Tori carefully slid the strap-on into Jade's already wet pussy, which forced a soft moan to erupt from her.

"mmFuck!"

Tori began to thrust. She slid in and out of her wife, making sure to be as rough as she thought she could get away with.

"Harder." Jade moaned.

"If you insist." Replied Tori, increasing her intensity tenfold. She began to pump in and out of Jade with alarming speed, forcing the strap-on as deep as it could go with every push.

"Oh, fuck, TORIIII!"

Tori continued to thrust as hard as she could. Knowing what Jade would probably request next, she slapped the girl's pale white ass as hard as she could. The goth let out another scream of pleasure.

"FUcK!"

The latina leaned in close to the other girl's ear and growled in a low voice, "You like that?"

"Y-Yes! Fuck yes!"

She slapped her ass a few more times as she continued to pump the girl full of strap-on.

By this time Jade was doing two things. One, she was nearing orgasm, and her screams matched the intensity at which her wife was pummeling her. Two, she was completely disregarding all control of her voice that she might have had, and therefore her screams were also, by their nature, extremely loud.

"YES! YES! OH, FUCK YES!"

Tori continued to drive the strap-on into and out of her wife until she was nearing completion. Then, all at once, she put everything she had into one final thrust that sent Jade catapulting over the edge.

"OOooOOOOHHH FUUUUUUUUCK!"

And with that, Jade had finished. Tori removed the strap-on and the dildo from the goth girl's orifices and smiled at her. "There," she said, "Now I forgive you." She walked back into the bathroom to clean up.

Jade grinned in spite of herself. She laid back down on the bed, and was out before her wife returned to the bedroom.

* * *

 **And there we have the first chapter to really justify this story's M rating.  
**

 **Evidently, the part about wrapping hair up in a towel is in my opinion, quite possibly the thing that confuses me most about girls. As a dude with long hair, I just don't understand what the point is. Hair will dry just fine in the air, nothing's going to happen to it. But I digress.**

 **At any rate, make sure to follow, favorite, and review if it's not too much trouble. I love feedback, praise, and (constructive) criticism.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	6. Chapter 6

**Whoa, where the hell am I? Well, I guess I just felt like writing last night and popped this one out. Let's see if I can make the next chapter without an eight month hiatus.**

* * *

Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Jade. All Jade wanted to do when she grew up was become a famous movie director (as well as an astronaut and firewoman and mortician). One day, when she was all grown up, she got her wish of becoming a movie director. After that, all she wanted to do was slam her head in a car door. The end.

Jade looked at her watch as she drained her fourth (or was it fifth?) cup of coffee. _Quarter to four._ She thought, sighing. _Only three hours and fifteen minutes left._

It had been a couple days since her… liaison with Tori, and just a little over a week since filming on _The Scissoring: The Official Remake_ had begun. Even just in that time, the goth girl had spent every last bit of energy she had. And she had seven more weeks of this.

And that was the crux of the issue: The studio wanted the entire movie shot in two months, which, while not impossible, meant a lot of work for the people on the ground, especially Jade, one of three producers for the movie. The studio wanted the movie done by June so they could put everything together in post-production as quick as possible and have the movie ready by Halloween. At least the movie wouldn't have to rely on CGI, which was costly and can take an exorbitant amount of time; Most of the effects would be done practically, just the way God (or more to the point, John Carpenter) intended it.

"Quiet on set!" a voice called. _Finally._ Thought Jade. They had been ready to shoot this scene for almost an hour, but the director had been in the bathroom. Normally, you wouldn't begrudge someone for taking a bathroom break, but Jade had asked one of the production assistants what their oh-so-beloved director was doing in there for so long, and as it turned out, he was taking a personal phone call. Of course. But that was Dale Squiers.

Dale Squiers. Jade had been apprehensive to work with him. Rightly so, as it had turned out. Their school project was five years ago, she told herself. He's become famous and won an Oscar, she told herself. But no, he was still the exact same egotistical douchebag. And besides, his Oscar (or "Academy Award", as he insisted on referring to it as, which he did constantly) was for "Best Live Action Short Film", and he'd earned it for _Butter Face III: The Search for Salt_ , which wasn't even as good as _Butter Face II: The Wrath of Condiments_.

"Sorry everybody, I had to take a very important phone call." Dale called out as he walked onto the set.

 _No you didn't._ Thought Jade. _You were talking to that dumb pile of silicon and tanning lotion you've somehow convinced yourself is your girlfriend._

"Alright, which scene are we on now?"

Jade spoke up. "This is the scene where Allie is looking through the books in the library in the house, and the recently undead Tawny is watching her. She feels like she's being watched, but can't be sure."

Dale yawned. "That's it? That seems kind of slow. How is it supposed to be scary if the audience doesn't get to see Allie get, you know, scared? Why don't we just have Tawny watch her for a little bit, then have Allie turn around and BAM! Jumpscare."

No.

No. No. No.

There was absolutely no way Jade could have this. Not in this movie. Not her passion project. And especially not when he had that look on his face that let you know just how pleased with himself he really was. Not today, and not ever.

"A jumpscare? A JUMPSCARE!? Are you kidding me? You _fucking_ philistine. Jumpscares are the cancer that have been eating away at horror movies since the eighties. They're the most overused trope in the world. And they're just fucking _lazy._ No one _stays_ scared at a jumpscare. They surprise, not frighten. They're filmmaker shorthand for, 'Insert scare here'. Hell, _Halloween_ has a couple of those, and they're the worst part of an otherwise flawless film and piece of cinematic history. And to top it all off, nobody likes them, except for subpar filmmakers who can't think up a decent scare to save their god damn life." By the end of her rant, Jade was shouting, red in the face, and out of breath. The set was, fittingly, dead silent.

And, as a nice little bonus, Dale was speechless, which Jade hadn't seen since André's cousin Kendra beat the crap out of him on live TV. A few moments later, his words (unfortunately) returned to him, and he simply stepped back with his hands up as if in defeat and said, "Alright, cool. We'll, uh, we'll do it your way, I guess." Then he raised his voice to address the entire crew. "Come on people, places! Look, I'm a busy man, alright? I don't have all day to wait around so get a move on!"

That last remark nearly set Jade off again, but she kept her cool. That is, until he turned his attention back to the goth girl and followed it up with what might seem to an outside observer to be an innocent question.

"By the way, what's _Halloween_?"

Red.

That was all Jade could see for a few seconds. After that she exploded.

"All right everybody, that does it! We're wrapping up for the day! No, fuck it, the weekend! I'm not going to work with this dipshit for another minute until I can cool off! Good night!"

And with that, she stormed off the set. She was halfway to the front doors when Amanda caught up with her.

"Hey, Jade, hang on a second."

The dark-haired girl spun around. "WHAT!?" Upon realizing who she was talking to, she softened her tone. "Oh. Hey. What's up?"

"Look," said Amanda, "I know you don't want to work with Dale. Frankly, neither do I."

"Amanda." Jade interjected, "He's never even _heard_ of _Halloween_."

Amanda's right eye involuntarily twitched, accentuating the scar on her cheek. She was an even bigger Carpenter fangirl than Jade.

Amanda recovered and continued. "Anyways, we're stuck with him, okay? We couldn't have gotten the deal we got if he wasn't on the project. Jim pulls a lot of weight around here, and he went to bat for us getting the contract once we agreed to let his son direct it."

Jade shoved her hands in pockets and pouted. "Yeah…."

"That being said, I think you're right to need a break. So I'll tell you what. We've got an equipment deal that needs to be signed off on in Chicago. They wanted to send me or Clancy because the gear is specifically being rented for _The Scissoring_ , but I'll have them send you instead. You can head out there on Friday, and we'll start shooting again on Wednesday or Thursday. Sound good?"

The goth mulled this over. "Yeah, okay. My friends Cat and Robbie live out there with their son, too, and I've been meaning to visit them forever. But _something_ has to be done about Dale, okay? These hour long bathroom breaks where we can't do anything at all aren't going to fly, especially if the movie's going to be shot in two months."

"Alright. I'll talk to Jim about that, and then his boss. I'll call you later and let you know what the deal is."

"Cool." Said Jade, "Talk to you later."

* * *

 **That part about jumpscares being the worst idea in the history of mankind is really how I feel, by the way. They're... not good.  
**

 **At any rate, I hope you enjoyed the chapter, I think it's one of the best ones I've written in a very long time. And as always, remember to follow, favorite, and review, because feedback will make sure I don't decide to write a jumpscare into the story one day (admittedly, I have no idea how I would accomplish that in writing form, but whatever, that's not important).**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ha! Didn't even take me two full months this time. Anyways, this is a good one, I think. I have a hard time writing Cat (which is too bad, she's a great character), but this turned out well enough. Enjoy!**

* * *

Skipping town for a few days was definitely the right course of action. Instead of staying home, resisting the urge to rip Dale Squire's head and spine out _Mortal Kombat_ -style, she just had to resist the urge to slap the fat TSA agent who gave her grief for having an eight ounce water bottle. It was even in the stupid plastic Ziploc bag and everything, but no, she had to throw it out because the limit is less than four ounces.

Oh well, at least she was here now.

The goth girl checked herself over one last time and knocked on the door to Cat and Robbie's apartment. It was a fairly nice building. 30 floors, a doorman and everything. They lived on the 27th floor, which had some larger units.

The door swung open and before Jade could even react there was a flash of red and a loud squeal.

"Jadey!" Cried out the excitable redhead, wrapping her arms around the taller girl and nearly knocking the two of them off their balance.

"Whoa, Cat. I'm happy to see you too." The raven haired girl tried to keep her footing.

The hug lasted a few more moments before the girls broke apart and Jade took a step back. Cat was wearing a yellow sundress, and for a mom, she still looked pretty damn good.

"Come in." The petite girl said with a wide smile.

They stepped into the apartment and Jade had a look around. It was fairly nice, definitely more spacious than her own apartment. But then, Robbie made pretty good money, plus Cat brought in more from whatever acting and singing gigs she could get.

"Hey, what's up Jade?"

Jade noticed Robbie for the first time, who was doing pull-ups on a pull-up bar over the doorway threshold to the hallway. And for a dad, he looked pretty damn good, too.

"Robbie, I will never get used to you being anything other than skinny."

The bespectacled boy laughed. It was true, though, that he looked quite different from how he did in high school. Then he'd been under six feet and whip thin, whereas now he stood at 6'2, and, because he was shirtless, Jade could see that he was sporting a six pack. The only part of him that was still obviously Robbie was his trademark glasses and jewfro.

He lowered himself down and moved into the living room. That was when Jade noticed the toddler, Cat and Robbie's son, Rodney. His father picked him up (which he was not pleased about, because he was more interested in playing with his toy cars) and carried him over to the goth girl.

"This is your auntie Jade. Can you say hi?"

The little boy stared up at the goth girl with his big eyes. He looked exactly like Cat, except his hair was jet black, like his father's.

"Jadey." He said with a wide smile. "Hug."

Robbie offered Jade the young boy, which she accepted, and she held him to her chest in a hug. She could feel her heart melting. She didn't like to admit it outwardly, but she absolutely adored little kids. Something about them reminded her that not everything in the world was crap.

After a few moments, she put Rodney down. He happily ran back to his toys and the adults sat down.

"That's the other thing I can't believe. You guys have a _kid_. That's crazy."

Robbie and Cat laughed. "I still have a hard time getting used to it." The dark-haired boy replied.

"You know, Jade… I have a kind of funny story." Cat added.

The pale girl looked at her oldest friend expectantly.

"I'm pregnant again."

While Jade's reaction to this news was mild surprise, it was nothing compared to the redhead's fiancé. As Robbie had been taking a sip of water, most of it had been expelled from his mouth at high speed – a proper spit-take.

"You're pregnant!?" He shouted indignantly.

Cat weakly nodded, but the slight smile on her face indicated to Jade that the girl had been planning on springing this on her significant other precisely this way.

"Why wasn't I told about this?"

"I went to the doctor yesterday while you were at work. The test paperwork is in our room."

"Jesus Christ." He said with a sigh (ironically, because he was Jewish).

By now, both women were laughing, and the not-quite-two-year-old on the floor looked at his father quizzically. "What's going on?"

Robbie calmed down a bit, the initial surprise starting to wear off and he addressed his son. "Oh, you're, uh, you're gonna have a little brother or sister, buddy."

"I want a turtle." He said in an almost off-handed way, going to back to his toys. The three adults in the room laughed. Robbie, no longer quite so angry at his fiancée, exhaled and shook his head in slight disbelief.

"I can't believe we're gonna have to go through all of this again."

"You nervous?" Jade asked.

"I mean… kind of? I think I'm more excited than anything else, cause I kind of know what to expect." He paused, thoughtfully. "I hope it's a girl this time." He added.

The goth girl looked over at the little boy on the floor. She smiled, internally and externally. Briefly, she entertained a thought in her head. She imagined having a kid with Tori, holding a baby close, the two of them growing old together and having a few more. It was a nice thought, but something like that was probably pretty far off.

She snapped out of it, having clearly missed the last bit of conversation between her two friends.

"Anyways, Jade, where are my manners? Would you like anything to drink?"

"Uh, sure. Coffee, if you've got it."

"Sure." The dark-haired boy stood up and moved walked over to the counter. It separated the kitchen from the living room and had bar-style seating on the living room side. He dug through the cabinets and put a pot of coffee on.

"So," he said, "I suppose we should talk business now, before Cat and I take you to dinner."

"You guys are taking me to dinner?"

"Absolutely. It's not every day you get to meet up with an old friend from high school. Besides, we've already booked a reservation and hired our usual sitter. When's the reservation, Kitty-Cat?"

"Seven." The redhead replied, now playing with her son on the floor. She giggled at her husband-to-be's use of her pet name.

"So. Business." He steered the conversation back on course. He poured some coffee into a cup and handed it to Jade.

"Yeah. I'm supposed to sign off on an equipment deal?"

"Yup, I've got the paperwork right here," He said, pulling a few documents out of his briefcase, which was next to the counter. "The terms have already been negotiated by your co-producers. Amanda Hartford and Clancy Donovan, right?"

"Yeah."

"And also the studio executive on the project… Jim Squires. He's not related to Dale Squires, is he?"

"Jim is Dale's dad. Dale's directing the movie."

"No way, seriously? That _suuucks_."

"Yeah, but it was how we got the deal we got. Anyways, this is all I have to do? Why the hell did I have to come all the way to Chicago to do it?"

"My boss – the CEO – has a weird thing about wanting all major contracts signed right here where the headquarters is. It's stupid, I know, but it's probably why he won't let me transfer to the Los Angeles office. He's kinda Sinjin-like in how he does things."

"You mean like a jar of fire ants and a power drill 'Just in case'?"

"More like a jar of porcupines and a jackhammer."

Jade let out a chuckle, then signed the papers and handed them back to her friend, now business partner.

"Great." He said, "That's all squared away. The gear should be where it needs to be pretty much as soon as I file this on Monday."

"Wait," questioned Jade, confused. "Doesn't the gear need to be shipped from Chicago to L.A.?"

"Nope. It's all there right now."

"So why did I have to fly out here again?"

"The answer to that question is locked safely away in the brain space of the CEO. Don't expect me to know why."

"That's incredibly stupid."

"Yeah, but look on the bright side! You get to hang out with us for a couple of days. When was the last time me and Cat saw you in person?"

"My wedding, I think."

"Exactly. So let us treat you to dinner tonight, and tomorrow we can do whatever you want."

Jade looked over at her best friend since childhood. Cat looked up at her and beamed. Jade smiled back. It was stupid, but at least she got to spend some time with good friends, and more importantly, away from Dale Squiers. This break, while not strictly necessary, was certainly deserved.

* * *

 **That concludes our Chicago-based interlude. Please tune in whenever I get around to writing the next chapter for our regularly (hah!) scheduled Los Angeles based content.  
**

 **In all seriousness though, I'm curious to know what everyone thinks about what I've done with Cat and Robbie. I think I'm happy with it, but you know.**

 **And as always, remember to follow, favorite, and review. Especially review, cause like I've been saying for literally four years (No seriously, it's nuts): Reviews are the purest form of feedback. Let me know what you thought, what you liked, what you disliked, what you think I could change to make it better. All feedback is very much appreciated.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	8. Chapter 8

**And here I am again, with another chapter to the story you have all been anxiously anticipating for like three and a half months. Bask in my artistry, mortals! Bask in it!**

 **Nah, just kidding. Enjoy the chapter.**

* * *

Tori was having a hard time. With Jade gone, she was trying to occupy her time with whatever she could. Whether it was throwing herself into her schoolwork or anything else, she just wanted to focus on something other than her neglectful wife. Today, she was at André's house, helping him write a song for his brand new record deal.

"So I was thinking I do this," André said, playing some chords on his keyboard, "And that's when the harmony vocals come in."

"Oh, uh, sure." The latina girl responded, only half paying attention.

"Then for the second verse, the tempo could increase and sound more intense."

"Uh huh."

"And then I could come in between the second and third verse with a kazoo solo."

"That sounds good."

"You're not listening."

Tori, who was staring off in another direction snapped back into focus.

"Uh, sorry, what?"

André pushed away from his keyboard. "Come on Tor, I know you're thinking about something else. What's up?"

"It's just… It's just…" Tori stuttered for a few seconds before completely breaking down in tears.

"Whoa, whoa, Tori, don't cry." André said, putting a friendly arm around the latina and hugging her. "It's okay. Let it all out and tell me what's wrong when you're ready."

For the next few minutes, the black boy held the crying girl in his arms. Tori attempted to explain herself a few times, but failed due to her powerful sobs. Eventually, she calmed down enough to speak.

"It's Jade." She said finally, André still hugging the tearful girl. "It's just… ever since she started work on her movie she hasn't had any time for me."

"When she finishes up on the movie she'll have more time."

"It's just… it's not just that. Before she started on the movie she was so wrapped up in her school work that she didn't have much time for me either. The movie just… it just… it made it worse."

Tears resumed flowing down the tan-skinned girl's face and André hugged her tighter again.

"It's okay… It's okay… You and Jade are going to be just fine, I promise."

"How do you know?"

"I just do, okay? Trust me on this one."

"I don't know if I can."

André let go of Tori and looked her in the eyes. "I met Jade when I was fourteen. If you think she had a mean streak when you met her three years later, you haven't seen _anything_. I was really only friends with her cause I was friends with Robbie and Robbie was friends with Cat and Cat was friends with Jade. She was rude, and abrasive, and not at all worried about getting in your face."

Tori smiled weakly.

The dreaded boy continued. "Eighth grade Jade was _mean_. I mean, _really_ mean. She made two different substitute teachers cry that year. But then ninth grade came around, and that's when Beck entered the picture."

Tori nodded, visibly crying less.

"I never could figure out what Beck was able to say to her to get her to stop being such a bitch, but it worked. Course, if you ask him why he liked Jade in the first place he'll come up with 'I dunno, I just like chicks who aren't all the same.'"

Tori laughed out loud. "That's true. How many cheerleaders did he turn down before and after he and Jade broke up?"

"Way too many. You know, I just talked to him last week, you know he's only been with two girls since he and Jade broke up five years ago?"

"I don't, um, have a real frame of reference for how many that is. How many girls have you been with since then?"

André did some math in his head and on his fingers. After a few moments he finally said, "Fourteen. Tinder kinda awesome…"

"And all of this relates back to Jade…?" the latina asked curiously.

"Oh, uh, yeah, right." The dark boy said, snapping back to reality. "Yeah, so Beck and Jade, for all their faults, really _worked_ , you know?"

"Well, sort of. They did fight a lot."

"That's true. But that's sort of Jade's nature. Plus Beck can get super broody sometimes when he's bummed out. But do you remember when they got back together?"

"I mean, yeah, I got them back together."

"They fought a lot less after that. It wasn't a perfect relationship, but it was a lot healthier. Did Jade ever tell you why Beck broke up with her for good?"

"Yeah, it was because she liked me."

"It wasn't that simple. He agonized over that for _weeks_. They had started to fight more. Old habits, you know? He decided that he had to break it off because her feelings for you were too strong and too prominent."

"How did he know?"

"I'm sure I don't know. But I guess he knew what he was doing, cause you and Jade ended up together like two months later. I know that hurt him a little, but he knew it was bound to happen eventually."

"Yeah… I guess." Tori smiled a bit wider, remembering how strange those first few months after she and Jade got together felt. It felt like a lifetime ago, but it was only five years.

"You and Jade… I dunno what about you makes her mellow, but it does. It's crazy. Maybe you don't notice as much since you've been together most of the time you've known her, but it's crazy how much she's changed."

Tori smiled again, but then her mind was clouded with darker thoughts. "If she likes me so much, then why is she ignoring me?"

"You know her better than I do. You know how much she throws herself into her work."

"Yeah… but… but…" Tears began to stream down the brunette's face again. "W-What if she's bored of me? Or what if… what if she's ch-cheating on me?" The tears continued to streak down her face as they turned into sobs.

André pulled Tori back into a hug. "Come on, Tor. Bored of you? Please. That girl is nuts about you. And do you really believe that someone as possessive as Jade could ever cheat?"

"M-Maybe."

André let out a sharp bark of laughter and let go of Tori so he could look her in the eyes again.

"Did she ever tell you what I said on your wedding night?"

"N-No."

"It was while you were out dancing and she was taking a break. I said to Beck 'God damn, Tori looks hot in that dress.' And all he could do was nod in agreement. Jade heard, and you know what she said?"

"What?"

"Not a single word. She just shot us an icy glare until we both got uncomfortable and I got up to take a piss and Beck got up to get another beer. When we got back, she was out dancing with you, and we both agreed not to say anything like that in front of Jade again."

Tori was now mostly not crying, and visibly blushing from the compliment she had just received. "Maybe that's why she kissed me so hard when she came back out on the dance floor."

"Yeah, probably." André dreamily replied, clearly imagining such a thing in his head.

"So what should I do?"

The black boy snapped back to reality. "What?"

"What should I do about Jade, you pervert. I'm still worried."

"Well, I think you need to find some time to talk to her. I know she's really busy between school and the movie, and you have class too, so try and pick a time in between all of that. Maybe if you both have a night off or something."

Tori thought about that for a few moments. She smiled widely, a real grin, and wrapped her arms around her best friend in a hug.

After a few seconds, they broke apart. "Thank you, André. It means a lot." Tori said. "Now, about that kazoo solo…"

"God damn it." The dark-skinned boy smiled.

* * *

 **And another chapter down. I'm thinking we're getting towards the midpoint of the story, so hopefully I'll be able to get off my ass and write some more. Maybe I shouldn't have picked this semester to go back to college.  
**

 **At any rate, make sure to follow, favorite, and review. It makes my versions of Tori and Jade happy to know that their story is interesting enough for you random internet strangers to read and occasionally jerk off to.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


	9. Chapter 9

**Howdy! Been a while, huh? Enjoy!**

* * *

Jade didn't get good sleep. Jade hated when she didn't get good sleep. Unfortunately, 24 credits and a movie production meant that good sleep was a luxury she just couldn't afford anymore. She glanced at her coffee cup. _Jayde_ it read. Stupid girl and the counter couldn't even spell a one syllable name right. And this was shitty coffee.

The goth girl checked the time on her phone. 6:53. _Another lazy Saturday._ She thought. If she was lucky, she'd only be here for 12 hours. Of course, then she had to get up and do it again tomorrow, as they were starting to run out of weekends to work with. As for Dale… they worked around Dale. All Jade could hope for was that the arrogant director would take a more hands-off approach to the post-production of the film and let people with actual talent and passion handle that part.

Unfortunately for her, their glorious leader Dale Squiers just wasn't feeling the hands-off approach today. Perhaps to do a change of heart (or more likely a stern talking to from his father), the director had decided that he needed to take charge more, and start calling the shots himself. It was his film after all, wasn't it?

 _No._ Thought Jade. _This is not your film you silver-spoon prick. I will not let you destroy this film. This one belongs to me._ Jade recited her little mantra in her head as she shot her counterpart an icy glare through her blue-green eyes. He failed to notice, as he was wrapped up chewing out some light techs for essentially no reason except to flex his authority.

It was no secret that effectively everyone on set hated the man. But that didn't matter, because every time there was a problem, old Jim Squiers came down and lied through his mustache in order to smooth things over. It made Dale more brazen. If there were no consequences for his actions, then he could do as he pleased, so long as daddy was happy.

And so, Jade decided rationally, if Dale was stepping up and taking charge, it could not have been his own doing. No, his father wanted his son's influence over this project to be apparent. And that was not something Jade could abide. This was _her_ baby god dammit, and she was going to make it her own, regardless of a roadblock like Dale Squiers.

That was Jade's resolution at 7 AM. By 4, her motivation had reached its breaking point. Dale was ten hours in to a power trip, and he was beginning to wear thin on everyone on set, all of whom were acutely aware of the remaining three hours scheduled out.

Jade thought back to all of the times throughout the day she'd considered screaming in his face and/or punching him in it. There were three or four times where he'd shouted at the techs, usually threatening to have them all fired if they couldn't make something _just_ right for him. Another time he got within kissing distance of Clancy, who had made the grave error of quickly adjusting a crooked camera shot without consulting his boss (Or so Dale liked to believe). Clancy had been so angry he stormed right off set, although he returned a half hour later seeming considerably mellower.

But now it seemed, that Jade had reached her limit on how much she could care today, or so she thought.

It was then that something erupted. That thing was the star of the movie: Sofia Zayn, who had been the most frequent target of Dale's micromanaging and snide criticisms for the last few hours.

It had started close to noon, when Sofia flubbed a line and Dale decided to cut and then proceeded to read the line out to the poor girl who'd only messed up that one time. Then, when she had tripped during a scene a few hours later, he'd gone out of his way to mimic her during the next break. Jade had nearly snapped at him then, but she kept her cool and focused on consoling her star.

But now it had been too much. Sofia had sneezed during a close-up monologue, and Dale was having none of it.

"CUT!" The director yelled, halting the recording process. He slowly approached the Romanian girl. "So, Sofia, a couple things," he said in a rather pretentious voice. "First of all, rather dry delivery I think, so maybe work on that, Two, You're supposed to be scary in this scene, and scared I am not, so, that's not good. And third, when you're halfway through a scene, maybe you should consider for _one second_ that that's _maybe not_ the best time to sneeze!" He finished sharply.

Natalia began to tear up. "I'm—I'm sorry." She stammered. "I'll try—I'll try harder."

"Yes, yes you will. Because this is _my movie_ and my name is _Dale Squiers_ and I say that this movie is going to be—"

"Oh my God, shut up, you pretentious idiot!"

As it turns out, Jade had finally had enough. She approached the director.

"What did you say to me?" He said accusatorily.

"I _said_ , 'Oh my god, shut up, you pretentious idiot!', you pretentious idiot!"

"Pretentious?"

"Yes, _pretentious_ , dumbass! You don't actually care about the movie, all you care about is slapping your name onto something successful, so you can 'grow your brand' or whatever stupid garbage reason you give yourself. You're only taking any kind of initiative because your _daddy_ told you to!"

"How dare you! I'll have you know—"

"Please, please stop fighting!" A voice boomed from behind them. They turned to see the man they had just been arguing about, Dale's father, Jim Squires, his thick dark gray mustache just a little overgrown, making him look not unlike a walrus in a suit.

"Oh! Dad!" Dale faltered. "We weren't fighting, we were just uh, we were just having a small production disagreement is all."

Jim turned to Jade. The goth girl noticed Amanda slip out the door their boss had come in.

"Is that so?"

Jade grit her teeth. On one hand, she wanted to tell her boss like it was, about how his son was an incompetent director with no natural talent and an absolutely atrocious taste in horror completely unlike anything the original film was based on. On the other, her boss was the director's father, and he was overwhelmingly likely to take his son's side. If he wanted to, he could try to get Jade thrown off the project, and that was something that horrified Jade to think about.

"Now wait just a minute." Another voice said. Jade looked over and saw a man who appeared to have been transported there from the fifties, with Amanda at his side. He had slicked back black hair and a pencil mustache, and he wore a fine Italian suit. "Just wait a minute." He repeated.

Jim and Dale immediately stood up straighter. The man strode into the room with a swagger in his step, with the air of someone who was confident in their every action.

He approached the group of them and extended his hand to Jade, who shook it. "Jade West, I presume?"

"Uhm… yes sir." Jade replied, unsure of the man's identity but absolutely sure of his authority.

"I'm Jack Warren, the CEO here. My great-grandfather started the company."

"Oh! Mr. Warren, it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, I assure you." He responded in a voice that Jade could not detect the sincerity of. He turned to address Jim.

"Jim, what's going on?"

"N-Nothing sir," the fat man sputtered. "Just a simple production disagreement."

"Really." Replied Warren dryly.

"Yessir."

"If it's just a so-called 'production disagreement', then explain to me why that girl is crying over there?" He pointed to Sofia in the corner, who in the commotion Jade hadn't noticed slink off to the corner of the set to quietly sob, who was now being consoled by a pair of makeup assistants.

"I-I-I, well you see—"

Warren held up his hand in order to silence the other man. "I don't really care what happened. All I know is that I've been getting complaints about your son for over a month now, and nothing seems to be getting resolved. But when an executive producer knocks on my office door _in the middle of production_ to complain about the director and I come down here to _this_ , I start to think, 'Where exactly did I fuck up along the way regarding this project?'"

"Well I think, sir, that you could um—"

"Shut up and let me finish." He turned to address the younger of the two. "Dale, it's obvious to me that you need some motivation. So consider this your final warning. If I have to come down here one more time, it's your ass. Shooting is wrapped for the day, and call tomorrow a half-day. And remember, I will be paying attention."

He turned and left, but Jade caught up to him before he could quite make it out the door.

"Mr. Warren!"

The man turned. "Hmm?"

"I just wanted to say," Jade huffed. "Thank you."

"No problem, my dear." Mused the man. "And please, call me Jack."

* * *

 **And that wraps up another chapter in the life of Jade the film director. Will Dale be able to work with Jade to make a superior product, or is this going to blow up massively? Only time will tell.**

 **Anyways, make sure to follow, favorite, and review. Feedback is the best way to improve my writing, and I love hearing what everyone has to say.**

 **Until next time,**

 **/Yonz**


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